I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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