you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
