i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I could fuck to npr.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
