So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
