I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Your penis caused this!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
