Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
