My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
