My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
