Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
