i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Sorry about my life...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
