Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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