i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
