Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
