why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
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