More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
