everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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