the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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