I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
