whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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