Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
