your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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