Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my being single is dangerous.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
