That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
