Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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