The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
