I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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