I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
