I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
