He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
