all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
