I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
