i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
