imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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