I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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