I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
