I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
