Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
