i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
