he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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