By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
