My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
foreskin is a definite game changer
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
