my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
