Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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