I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
