Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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