Rock
Scissors
Fuck
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
