it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just google imaged poop.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
