I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
