if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
we're making bets on your personal life
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
