the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
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I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
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Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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