The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
