That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
