Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
