your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
