Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
