I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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