Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Randomize
