Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
