Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
