mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
