sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
is wine microwaveable?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
