so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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