somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
