i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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