I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
