Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
