i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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