for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
