they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
