he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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