The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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