I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
