Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
This is not my ceiling
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
