he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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