I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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