I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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